I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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