My liver just broke up with me...
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize