she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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