All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
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