I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I got inside last night via doggy door
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
