Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
