I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
