If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
