So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
