If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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