Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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