if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Even my vagina gasped.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
