Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
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Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
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I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.