Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS