I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.