The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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