Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.