Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.