Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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