If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
