You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
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im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
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My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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