i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
