I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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