I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My breasts were aching with rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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