I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
