If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
