What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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