Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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