I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
