its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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