she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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