so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
