whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
