Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
