we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My vagina just clenched in fear
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
