I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
