is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
