i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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