I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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