..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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