My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
