So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
