Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
