I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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