she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
