So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
