I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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