you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
