I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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