At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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