a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
