using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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