i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
