life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
