So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I still have a little drunk in my system
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
