That's intense
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
