idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
