If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
