I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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