i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Your cock deserves a montage
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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