it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
