He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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