in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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