I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
