Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
