gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The struggles of a small town man whore
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
