Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
