I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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