Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
