My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
