if i can run in heels then i can drive
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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