I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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